I am in my early 30s, I am a married man with a baby on the way.

I own my home, I have a good solid career with plenty of room to grow. Let us not forget about my dreams and goals, I got some of those too. Financial goals, career goals, business, goals, hobby goals, cool cities I want to live in, the places I would like to travel with my family, the luxury cars I will drive.

Oh, and also, I live with my parents.

Yup, married with a baby on the way, my parents and I live under the same roof with my wife, my future child, my sister, and our 2 dogs. I am from an Indian family so that should relieve some of the weirdness, but still, it is fucking weird.

Anyway, what I am here to tell you today is if you continue living with your parents into adulthood they will ruin your life, especially Indian parents.

Do not get me wrong, they do not mean to, they are just programmed as such. Having kids in Indian families is a huge dam deal, especially if it is a boy. But kids born into Indian families are also born with the burden of their parents already on their shoulders.

When Indian children enter early adulthood, it is a confusing time. We are treated like adults everywhere else except our homes. Even at age 19 my parents tried to set a curfew for when I was supposed to come home, it did not work out too well for them. Indian parents are pathetic, they usually push their own shortcomings and misfortunes onto their children in hopes that the kid will grow up to be some mega millionaire and care for them.

Now not all Indian families are like this, but I would say most are. If you know a Punjabi person, they most likely live with their parents or with their in laws. When you live with your parents into your adult years, you are really placing a limit on yourself, your future, your dreams, and goals. Parents, especially Indian parents tend to push their own “dreams and goals” onto their kids, often attempting to inspire them to be doctors, or engineers, why? Because in the Indian mind, those are perceived as careers of money, and the more money their kids have the better the parents will be taken care of. Right?

You are an adult living with your parents. Your entire life you heard what your parents want for you, you listened to their dreams for you to go to college, get a good job, get married, have children. You do all that, you have a family of your own that you must care for, plus your parents who are now getting old. How much focus are you going to be able to put on your future? What plans are going to be able to make with your wife and kids? You will not be able to live anywhere you want because you have to consider your parents opinion and their situation. In this possibility you are unhappy and miserable because you cannot bring attention to yourself to grow yourself. You are more likely to provide half ass care to everyone around you while minimal care for yourself.

Put focus on yourself, bring attention back to yourself, not your parents. Your parents are not bad people, they always want what is safe and best for their children, and Indian parents think that is forcing your children to live with them their entire lives. Many of us will purely out of guilt, and that is the other thing Indian parents are award winners at, guilt tripping. Personally, my mother is a pathetic human being, she has everything she has ever wanted in her life, she is still fairly young and has quite some life to live, but my God she is pathetic. Throughout my life I spent countless hours sitting next to her because she felt lonely or scared, listening to her complain about her life in my teen years, being given adult responsibilities, but then being treated like a child. I listened to her dreams for me, her dreams about my marriage, her dreams of becoming a grandmother, none of mine ever. If I did mention my dream, it was unattainable or ridiculed and a better suggestion was made. I will never forget when I told my dad I wanted to be lawyer and he suggested another career because he felt I would not pass the bar exam.

I am a fully grown man now with a child on the way, soon I will be approaching the Middle Ages and I have just had things on my mind. Things like growth, financial growth, home growth, future growth, setting out to do something different with my career. I want to have a place of my own without my parents, this does not mean I hate them, I just want a place of my own where I can plan the type of things I want, decorate how I want, live how I want. I casually mentioned this to my mother one day and you would have thought I cursed her religion. I think she was trying to sound happy but what she said was “Good, I will be so happy when you leave”. That is the type of person she is. She did not hear how I want fulfillment in life, she just heard “I am leaving you”.

I just go get so hurt when I would listen to my mom talk to me like that, but over the years it just makes me want to change faster. My parents and your parents are not bad people, they do not hate their kids, to be honest I do not know what it is. Ego maybe? What others will think of them? Incapability to care for themselves.

Whatever the issue is all I can say for sure is:

Your parents will ruin your life if you continue living with them into your adult years, and in order for you to grow to your full potential, you must move away. .

Keep Growing

Sumit Randhawa

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